My first time...

Do you have it in you??

Are you man enough??

Can you take the challenge??

Sounds like promotional campaigns of the 'WHO DARES WINS' TV show or the stuff that the 'INDIAN NATIONAL ARMY' comes out with. But nope... This is not about any such stuff. I am referring to something that has been teasing me since the past few days. Its like something you are so familiar with but you just can't put your hand on. Yet its all around you in an intangible teasing state. Taking you through a nostalgic trip to a time and place which you are very familiar with. But these teasers that you see do not give you a picture as to whether there is a good thing coming your way or something disastrous.

This morning... I realised that it was DISASTROUS!! I am being extremely sweet to the description of whats coming my way. The last time was my first time. And trust me, all that people had told me about it, turned out to be a very mild version of the actual truth. My first time... was a disaster. And more than being able to pass it off, like i thought, it stayed with me for many months to follow. Getting more and more difficult to put up with.

Its around the corner once again. My second time. I am supposed to be all experienced and know how to handle it well. But this morning i suddenly realised that all that i had learnt in my first time was erased and i was back where i had started.

What do i do??

How do i get out of this situation??

Can someone tell me how i should handle my second time??

My second DELHI SUMMER...

Gravity of the matter...

Do not wonder what that pic is about... I'll tell you. Thats my view when i had climbed on top of a 15 foot tall backdrop of the Wills Lifestyle India Fashion Week - Grand Finale. It was Rajesh Pratap Singhs line of wear. And i was co-ordinating the setup. But this post is not about the show. This one is about my shoulder. Yes... My shoulder.

I had not climbed on top of the backdrop to take this picture like some eccentric photographer. The backdrop was too reflective and needed to be tilted. The labourers working for me were up there trying to fix it. But it just wouldn't happen right. Finally i decided to go up there myself. And even before i realised it i had made 3 trips up and down the 15 feet backdrop. So in my next lap upwards the grid i miscalculated and slipped. (Like i was calculating and moving up). And the next thing i knew i was not going upwards. But just then... Like JUST THEN... I caught hold of the bar on top. I don't know how that happened. And then... I was a pendulum. Oscillating from one side to the other, 15 feet from the ground. I thought it was too cool.

Then i climbed up and got on with my work. But little had i realised that in every battle, in every fight for survival there are certain casualities that occur. I didn't realise anything till my work was complete. Just before the show started i felt this sudden urge to sit down. Then i realised that i hadn't for one moment the whole day rested. So i deicided to sit. As i was going to do so i placed my oscillating support hand on the ground and this time my front line soldier who had fought gravity and saved me suddenly collapsed. This time gravity had the last laugh. Fortunately i was only 3 feet from the ground and so it was a soft thud. My shoulder was the casualty in the battle between gravity and my oscillating hand. It was like a scene from a war movie. The Hero lives on. And in my hand (literally) i have the real hero who saved me dying with each passing second. I bit my tongue and pretended to be man enough and not shed tears. I let it pass like i knew these things happen and one must move on (What rubbish). I went home and settled in the comfort of my bed. And once i had my blanket on everything was ok. I was in my safe little world. But the cost at which i was saved that night had not sunk in. For in the morning when i woke up my hand refused to move. He blamed me for the loss of our friend. I agree with him that it was our friend that brought us together. And that without him our connection seemed pointless....

Even today i try making contact with my hand. But its like trying to connect to the internet when your phone is disconnected due to non payment. Life moves on... But something stays forever. Something that never leaves. Something that... That... That...
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Hurts lke hell... Damn you, you stupid shoulder. I don't wanna go to a doctor... Mummy... HELP...

Cause and effect!!

If u are following my blog or u are on my mailing list then you should know about my sister and brother in laws drive from London, UK to Bangalore, India. Then you should also know that they start their drive later this month. And that they cover over 20,000 kms with this drive. And that they are raising funds for a 'CAUSE' with this. Ok don't get irritated. I am just making sure you know that such a thing exists...

A couple of days back this friend of mine (one looney chick who calls her dog 'button'), told me that the cause this drive was working towards was actually harming something else. That brought about 2 really long chat window scrolls. We argued and argued and argued. I told her the plus points of this and she told me how these plus points worked towards a number of negatives. And the argument continued. Today, we finally finished arguing and she agreed (or so i can write coz this is my blog) that this drive was for a good cause.

But when you actually sit and think about who is right and who is wrong you realise that all these are only discussions. Nothing is universal. Nothing can be applied to everyone. These things vary from person to person, situation to situation, perception to perception and so on. So... What does one do?? How does one analyse if they are doing good or harming with any action?? How does one analyse anything basically?? Because what is right to you could be completely wrong to me. Or atleast i could argue against it being right.

Right and wrong are two words which have practically divided the world. I could be right or wrong.

Right and wrong are two words which decide nothing and leave everything unclear. I could be right or wrong.

Right and wrong are two shades of the same side, not opposite sides. I could be right or wrong.

And you think i am super crazy to be posting such rubbish. I could be right or wrong...

If life was what we thought it would be when we were born...

Do you remember what you thought life would be when u were born?? U do remember. But i don't think u'd understand the thoughts you had then. Coming to think of it.... Did we actually have 'thoughts'?? I wanna know... If only there was some way to find that out.

But lemme humour me... When i was born i KNOW these thoughts ran through my mind :

"I am like the centre of attention here..."

"So this is wot the world is like..."

"Everyone gives me the attention i need..."

"Everyone wants to see me..."

"Everyone wants to touch me..."

"If i need something all i have to do is ask (read cry) and i get it..."

"Everyone around me is genuinely happy to see me..."

"I don't see any pretence here at all..."

"Wot could be better than to just sit and have everything given to you..."

"I am so gonna enjoy my life..."

Something in those lines is what was running through my mind. Now that i sit back and think what has changed... Hmmm... Nothing at all... He he... Yeah u know i am kidding... But each of those thoughts still creep in at times when things like that happen around me. The only sad thing is that all of it doesn't happen together. There is always something missing. The picture is never complete. Satisfaction is left at a 'make do with what u have' stage...

Sigh...

10.30 am to 10.30 pm

Thats the shift i work. Crazy i know... But me being me i do what one can do in 4 hours over my 12 hours and i always have things pending.... Why why why?? Well... The day this gets answered i will stop this shift and begin a 24 hour one...

Well lets see wot happened over the 12 working hours on 03.03.2007... Gosh... Wot happened?? I seem to have no memory at all. Or nothing happened?? HELLOOOOO?? Whats happening here?? Thats what... NOTHING...

Actually if i have to recount all that happened then....

• I finished a meeting with an agency (quite useless actually)
• I met a stylist (leettle beet frum Bendadakaalooroo)
• I made an estimate (WOW.. What an achievement)
• I made an offer letter (Oooff... What hard work i say...)
• I corrected a film note (Hmmm... The first signs of 'WORK')
• I played cricket in office (the definite HIGHLIGHT of the day and also the most tiring)
• I chatted, orkutted and blogged

Thats that. Now that i have listed it all out i realise that i am wrong in saying that what i do in 12 hours one can do in 4 hours. It has got to be different. Something like.... What i do in 12 hours one can do in 30 minutes... Nonsense... And then i say there is too much work on the days i sit to clear the clutter from the past...

You know everyone is like that. I am sure.
Ok almost...
Ok ok... Sometimes...
Areyyyyyyyyyyy... On certain occassions...
O-K F-I-N-E... Only 'I' am like that...

I have so much more to write. But i guess i will do it tomorrow. He he...